Moody, whiny shit

I'm in a bad mood. I'm asking for it, saw it coming. Didn't try to prevent it... No! I can't prevent it. Have you ever got stuck in a situation where you're neither here nor there? Here's when I like to sing Dishwalla's Somewhere In the Middle. "Tripping down falling hard onto the ground. Coz I stand up and I can't fall down. Coz I'm somewhere in the middle of this." Sighs. I feel like I have no choice BUT to let things happen the way I don't want it to be. Okay... say you're a psychic, you foresee something bad will happen to the world. But there is nothing you can do to prevent this catastrophe from happening. You can only run for your life, watch in vain while Planet Earth goes through a tragic disaster.

Basically, this is how I feel right now. Get it? Scream at the top of my lungs! Not helping. I wonder why things have to be this way. I get no answer. No, actually I do have a few answers. A FEW. Which do I choose to believe? Don't know. My favourite answer of all time. I DON'T KNOW. It's one thing when people lie to you. It's another when you lie to yourself. You heard that TLC song? Dear Lie?

"Dear lie,
You suck
You said you could fix anything
Instead I'm fucked
You made things even worse for me
If I had balls I'd tell you get away from me
Guess I'm not smart
I let you unnerve me
I let you control me
Afraid the truth would hurt me
When it's you that hurts me more."

The truth hurts, but at least it's a fact. Something hard & solid. You fall on it, hurts hell lot. Break a few bones. Go for therapy. You get well. Move on with life.

The lie, something to cover the truth. Something not true. But it comforts at many times. Like a mattress.. soft and comfortable. Makes you feel like you can sleep and dream that the truth is all a stupid dream. But you fall down the mattress, hit the ground. OUCH. You realise, SHIT it's a dream. Then how? No choice right.. you go back to square one. Still fall down.. but hurts even more.

Here's the messed up part. I don't know the truth okay! I only know part of it.. I'm still guessing the other part of it. But it's close to impossible uncovering the other part of the story. That part tt I'm unaware of. The story book locked away from me. I have no access to it. Unless, I'm given the key to unlock all secrets. Unleash them, and give me a clear picture of what's going on. So I can make a wise choice for no other but myself. If things turn out good, I'm happy. If it doesn't, I accept it.

I finally received my reply from a buddy who's now in DB. That's one good thing. Mummy is having a great time in China. I'm meeting Benjamin in the morning, Emily in the afternoon and Jordan in the evening. Oh man... my camera is with mummy! Can't take pictures to show you people! URGH! It's okay.. at least I do get to spend some time with them. It's been so long. *Yawns* Catch a few Zzz's before a long day ahead!