stuck in a rut

I think I'm stuck in a rut. At least I feel like I am... The future seems so bleak.. you know how I should get all excited about my so called bright and long future ahead. I'm not really all tt excited. I'm not happy with where I am... It seems like I'm always taking 2 steps forward 3 steps back. Wonder when or how this happened. I need something to be excited about. Maybe feelings like these can pass on to another person. If so then I probably got it from another person. I don't know.

Before... I was almost always smiley and bubbly. Lately I'm more smiley in front of others. I think maybe I should start playing my piano again. I used to do it whenever I feel down. But I stopped playing it for so long my fingers feel retarded. And I'm pretty sure the piano needs some tuning. Or maybe I should totally revamp my life. Stop lazing around and start an exercise regime. Then again I wonder how long will tt last. After all.. I know myself... I'd probably faint before I finish jogging for 5 minutes. lol.

And the only person who can make me smile is also going through a lull period. Since we're both going through lull periods at the same time... it's kinda making things worse. lol. seriously.

Anyway... I had this thought. I should stop smoking. I mean I'm not very healthy as it is. Because of my stupid thyroid my immune system is weak. So I really should stop. Now I smoke about a pack every 2 days. So every 2 days I should put $10 aside. After calculations I should have $770 by 2010. And I can use tt money to buy my itouch! lol. Isn't tt a nice thought. Well.. juz a thought. Executing it is a whole other story. =D